SCENE: HENRY DOHERTY (approximately 60-some years old) sits in a recliner in his living room, eating Godlfish crackers and focused straight ahead at the audience, like he is watching a favorite soap opera on television. EILEEN, his wife of forty-some years, enters from the kitchen looking for him.
EILEEN
(Off)
Henry?
Henry does not move, except to crunch more crackers.
EILEEN
(Off)
Henry? Where are you?
Henry continues to crunch away.
EILEEN enters from the kitchen. Though she appears calm and in control, she is a whirlwind of activity. She crosses to the stairs.
EILEEN
(Calling)
Henry? You're not up there taking a nap, are you?
No response. Finally, she turns and spots Henry sitting on his recliner, crunching away at the crackers.
EILEEN
Oh, there you are! And just what in the world do you think you're doing?
Eileen crosses down to him. Henry still appears oblivious to her presence.
EILEEN
Here I am trying to get ready for the most important day of our granddaughter's life and you're sitting out here in your recliner, eating crackers and watching soap operas!
Henry sits transfixed. Eileen grows more annoyed.
EILEEN
(Beat. Then evenly)
You've got your hearing aid turned off again, haven't you? Honestly Henry, there are times I just don't understand you.
Henry continues to sit there, eating his crackers. Finally, Eileen violently takes the bag from his hand. Henry notices this.
HENRY
Hey! What'd you do that for?
EILEEN
You're getting crumbs all over the upholstery.
HENRY
Huh?
EILEEN
I said...
(In his face)
...TURN YOUR HEARING AID BACK ON!!!
Henry reaches behind one of his ears and "turns" his hearing aid back on.
HENRY
All right, all right! You don't have to shriek. I'm not that deaf, you know.
Eileen busily straightens out the room – even though it is immaculate.
EILEEN
I don't know how you can stand to watch that drivel. Let alone without any sound.
HENRY
They have closed captions. You're always telling me to do more reading, anyway.
EILEEN
Do you even know what tomorrow is?
HENRY
I most certainly do. Saturday.
EILEEN
That's not what I mean and you know it!
HENRY
Eileen, why don't you take a break, huh? You've been running on overdrive for the past three days. Anyone would think this was your first one.
EILEEN
It doesn't matter if it's the first or the four-hundredth. Every girl is entitled to her "most special day."
HENRY
That's not what you said when Liz Taylor walked down the aisle - for the eighth time.
EILEEN
Well... if she'd been our first granddaughter, I would have felt differently!
