SCENE: LANCE BOYLE, a too-full-of-himself wanna-be star has barged in on a meeting between shady agent MURRAY SILVERBERG, his secretary KELLY, and JAKE BULLET, a new bodyguard Silveberg has just hired. Through the course of the action, Murray reveals to Lance (and to us) his plans for what he believes will be the biggest comeback in show business history.
MURRAY
(Giving in)
Oh, all right. I’m not really supposed to be letting the cat out of the bag to the general public, Mr. Boyle. But here’s the thing: I have a big show in the works for a very important client of mine. I mean this show is going to be huge! Bigger even than when Elvis came back from the Army!
LANCE
Well...
(Reluctantly)
...congratulations, Mr. Silverberg.
MURRAY
Yes. Now, I’ve been so wrapped up in arranging this show—what with finding musicians, sponsors, a venue, the whole nine yards—that I really haven’t been seeing any other clients.
LANCE
(Dejected)
Oh. I... understand...
MURRAY
But you know... now that I think about it, I haven’t really had time to line up a whole lot of guest performers for the thing. And I gotta admit, I think you got chuztpah. So, I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do: I’m gonna give you a shot at an audition.
LANCE
(Brightening up)
Really? Oh, that’s wonderful, Mr. Silverberg! Thank you!
MURRAY
Don’t mention it...
LANCE
As a matter of fact, I have my portable stereo out in the office! I can run out and get it for...
MURRAY
NO!!
(Catching himself)
I mean, uh... no, no, no. I can’t have you auditioning in here. The acoustics are terrible. And I want to make sure I hear you under the very best possible conditions.
LANCE
Oh. Well, where would you suggest we do it?
MURRAY
Are you familiar with the...(insert dinner theater name)
LANCE
Familiar? I’ve only been the headline act at their dinner and drinks cabaret for the past six months.
MURRAY
Yeah, that’s great. Well, there’s a dress rehearsal for the show going on there tonight, complete with a live audience. Why don’t you come down at 6:30 and show me what you’ve got.
LANCE
(Excited)
Oh, yes! Thank you so much, Mr. Silverberg! You won’t regret it, I promise you!
Lance exits.
MURRAY
Thank God for that.
KELLY
Why would you tell him that?
MURRAY
Tell who what?
KELLY
Why would you give Mr. Boyle an open audition on a show that’s already booked?
MURRAY
Look, he’ll come down, give us whatever it is he’s got, and we’ll tell him he just ain’t what we’re looking for. Then he’ll be out of our hair for good.
