SCENE: JAKE BULLET, bodyguard to the stars (sort of), is supervising the last-minute preparations for Frankie Avonlea's big comeback performance, when CAROL HINGLE, a fan obsessed with Frankie, mysteriously finds her way onto the set.
CAROL
Wow! I can’t believe that I’m actually here!
(Indicates stage)
Look at that!
Carol runs up onto the stage and stands in front of the microphone stand.
CAROL
This is the microphone stand! His microphone stand. To think he’s actually breathed on this microphone! Isn’t it amazing?
JAKE
(Incredulous)
Yeah. It’s really something.
CAROL
I can’t believe I’m actually standing on the same stage where the Frankie Avonlea is going to be performing just a few hours from now! Isn’t it just the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen?
JAKE
Yeah, I suppose. Not counting that time I drove by a farmhouse and saw two cows going at it, of course.
CAROL
Well, what was so odd about that?
JAKE
They were both bulls. Listen, I don’t personally have any objections to you being up there on stage—God knows the lighting guys could use someone to focus on—but some other people might not be as forgiving. So, could you come down from there, please?
Carol, still enthusiastic, steps down from the stage and beside Jake.
CAROL
No problem. Say, do you work here? I’ll bet you know Frankie personally!
JAKE
Know him, yes. Personally, not quite.
Jake takes out a card and hands it to Carol.
CAROL
(Glances at the card)
Oh! Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Beaujolais.
Jake moves to correct her, then thinks better of it and addresses the audience.
JAKE
Eeh! Close enough.
CAROL
So, what is it you do here, exactly?
JAKE
A good many things. Mostly, I’m here to make sure that Mr. Avonlea’s personal safety is never compromised.
CAROL
(Romantic)
Just like in that movie, The Bodyguard, right?
JAKE
I suppose. Just... don’t expect to me carry Mr. Avonlea out of the theater to the chorus of “I’ll Always Love You”.
CAROL
No, I really think it’s great that there are guys like you around to protect guys like Frankie. Sometimes I don’t think you guys get enough credit. You’re all real heroes in my book.
JAKE
Well, thank you. You know, it’s refreshing to meet someone who actually understands the perils a guy like me faces every...
(Catches himself)
Wait a minute! Who are you and how’d you get in here?
